Time heals all wounds — it takes time, just know that in time everything will be okay, time heals everything. No, it won't, and no it doesn't, and no it can't.
Time doesn't heal anything, contrary to popular belief. Time is just that — time. It's a period of seconds, minutes, hours and days in which we either get proactive and fight what's damaging us, or sit and wallow in self-despair and change nothing, never moving forward for days, weeks, months and sometimes years.
If you had a choice between one big chunk of pain given to you in one hit, or the same amount of pain spread out over weeks, months and years, what would you take? I would opt for the one big chunk every time. The pain and hurt are inevitable — how long it lasts is largely up to you. So how do we deal with something that makes us feel heartbroken, sad, depressed, anxious, low, and leaves us with sleepless nights and constant worry? We fight. We dig in. We deal with it, getting help if needed, and we learn from it. Here's how.
Acceptance
Whatever's happened (a death, a relationship breakup, loss of a job, or a change in circumstances that wasn't your doing), the principles for dealing with it are the same. Only the subject is different. Acceptance is one of the first and most important parts.
All the wishing in the world won't change it. All the tears and false hope won't change it. You're far better taking a deep breath and telling yourself: okay, it happened, it's done, and I have no choice but to accept it. No amount of willpower can change the past, and wishing you could only wastes valuable energy. Take that energy and focus on accepting the present situation — once we accept, we can look beyond today and come up with a plan of action. False hope only prolongs the pain and stops us moving forward at the right pace.
Make a plan of action
The heart and head need time to process what's happened, and that's fine. What's not fine is sitting for hours on end thinking about the same thing over and over. What we need is a plan of action, and to stick to it regardless of how we're feeling — for want of a better expression, we're going to fake it until we make it.
Make a plan of the things you have to do today. Do you need to go food shopping? Attend the kids' school for something? Take the kids out, if you have any? Follow through on the things you know you need to do rather than saying they can wait — stay proactive, and make an effort to keep busy. Don't just throw on the first thing that comes to hand. If you make an effort to look and feel good, your feelings will work harder to follow suit. Get up, get ready and get focused even when you don't feel like it — you're retraining your mind to function without the things you used to love or rely on.
Talk to someone who has your interests at heart
Not to the person who caused the damage, if that's the case, and not to someone closed-minded or with an agenda about the problem you're facing. Friends, family, therapists — it needs to be someone who has your interests at heart, who will be a sounding board and offer advice if they see fit. Talking and letting it out is important. It's a form of release that helps you process what's happened and learn to deal with it properly.
Let yourself smile
Probably the last thing in the world you feel like doing right now, but it really does help — not only for your sanity, but for the chemicals that laughter releases into your system. Put a comedy show on, put YouTube on, whatever makes you laugh, and leave it running in the background. Every now and then you might pick something up that makes you smile at the unlikeliest of moments. When that happens, hold onto it for a second and realise: the world does keep turning and moving on, regardless of how you feel right now. I know it's hard to even think about joy or laughter at the moment, but these are the things that will be filling your life again before too long.
Fake it until you make it
Life is full of people putting a brave face on things, so for a short period there's no harm in doing the same, as long as you keep in mind that you're faking it until you're making it. If you force yourself to carry out actions (interacting with the outside world, laughing, smiling, functioning day to day, not bursting into tears at the slightest trigger) often enough, your mind adapts, and those actions become your normal everyday actions rather than fake ones. Keep up your daily routine, no matter how much you want to curl up and hide from the world. Show that this has educated you, given you more understanding, and made you a stronger person for it.
Never look back
The past is gone and can't be changed. The future hasn't arrived yet, and we're currently living with today's gift — that's why we call it the present. We can't alter what's gone, but we can alter what's coming. Living in the past will tear you apart, and you don't have to let it. It's happened, it's gone, and there's nothing you or I can do to change it — so let's work on what we can change, and that's the future. Look at what's good and strong in your life, and what the future holds if you work hard and stay proactive. Concentrate on what's coming, not what's gone. Make that plan, book that holiday, enjoy your kids or loved ones. Live in the moment, and the moment will be rewarding. The past is the past for a reason.
