You see it is not theirs to have, it is not theirs to look after, and it is not theirs to control. Because it is not theirs, it will inevitably get messed up, and in most cases broken. Your happiness belongs to you and should be determined by you and you alone. Giving that much power to someone else is always going to end in failure, so let me explain why.
Happiness is one of our most valued emotions
Happiness is something we experience and grow to love, and it's far better than the other emotions that wash over us day to day. In a balanced life, it should be the most prominent one — it's what keeps us smiling and looking forward to life. It's such an important emotion that without it we would forever be down and saddened by everything around us. It should be cherished, nurtured and cared for every day, and it's your job, and yours alone, to make sure that happens.
Others add to it, they don't make it
I've heard many people say they just want someone to make them happy. Here's the thing: you're looking in the wrong place. The only person your happiness should depend on is yourself. Other people may come along and add to your happiness, but counting on them to make it happen is destined to fail from the start.
We control our own happiness, and we're as happy as we decide to be, regardless of the circumstances around us. We choose to be unhappy, we choose to be down, and then we blame the circumstances, or other people, for it. The fact remains: you can't control another person's actions, but you can control your reaction, and we're defined by our actions. So remember, we're in charge of our happiness, and we allow others to add to it, but never to define it.
Happiness by change, not chance
We've all heard the saying "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again" — but that isn't true, not really. How about this instead: if at first we don't succeed, change the behaviour or method, and then try again.
Determination and perseverance will only take you so far. If what we're doing, and the way we're doing it, isn't working now or wasn't working in the past, it isn't going to start working in the future. So if we're not happy, we need to look at what we're doing, identify the behaviour or action causing it, change it, and go again. You'll be surprised at the outcome if you simply change tack and approach it a different way. Remember: happiness by change, not chance. The key word is change.
We are as happy as we want to be
This is something my mother used to tell me every time I was sad or down, and truth be told, at the time I didn't see it, understand it, or even really listen. But it's definitely valid, and as I got older (and slightly wiser — some would say not so much) I learned that this statement is spot on. Let me explain why.
As mentioned already, words lead to a thought, and a thought leads to an emotion, so how we talk to ourselves is vital. Try this: close your eyes and tell yourself something good about yourself, or something good you've achieved in life. Everyone has something, even if it takes a moment to find it.
Notice that? That was a smile, no matter how big or small. Really concentrate on the feeling that positive statement gives you. Go on, do it again, and this time catch yourself smiling.
Now tell yourself something on the other side of good, and notice that heavy feeling — in the pit of your stomach, your chest, your neck, wherever it lands. Notice the difference between the two, and how much of it comes down to the words we choose to speak. The message here is simple: talk to yourself the same way you would talk to your children or someone you love. You wouldn't put them down, tell them they can't, or belittle them all day long — so why do it to yourself? Change the negative for something powerful and positive. A good example: "I don't know what's going to come at me today, but I assure you I will face it head on and give it everything I have." So just for today, let's do it differently, and be kind to yourself for once.
Happiness is such a beautiful, all-consuming emotion that you're doing yourself a disservice by not having more of it. So today, remember: we'll be as happy as we choose to be, and it will come by change, not chance.
