Read the title again, and say it out loud: failure is a bend in the road, not the end of the road. Now ask yourself — how many times have you pictured the destination before you'd even finished the process?
At times we're our own worst enemy, especially when it comes to our own thoughts about the future. Often the final destination doesn't match the picture we had of it, and that knocks us down, sending us into overthinking and over-analysing everything. The plain advice is: stop overthinking. Life is what it is, and sitting for days, weeks or months turning over the outcome of something that's already happened won't change it, and won't improve where you are now.
We need to be more realistic rather than dramatising everything: see things as they are, not as we wish they were, focus on what we have rather than what we don't, and bring a lot more positivity to how we think about it. So how do we actually do that? The answer is a positive mental attitude.
Realise you control your reactions
We create our outside reality through the thoughts and beliefs we hold about life in general. What we believe in our inner world shows up in our outer world, not the other way round. We all have problems, and we're often tested by circumstances outside our control. Even when you can't control what's happening around you, you can always control your reaction to it — your inner world affects how much influence the outer world gets to have on you. So next time someone tells you that you have real personal power, know that they're right. You have more of it than you think.
Love who you are
No one is better placed to set you on the right path than you. You know yourself better than anyone else does. You're unique, you're different, and you should embrace that rather than trying to be everyone's cup of tea. That self-love builds the confidence and conviction to do the right thing for yourself, at any given moment.
Take responsibility
At any moment, your attitude can be that of a victim or a creator. The first step in shifting from victim to creator is to take responsibility. Here's the attitude of a creator:
- I create my life.
- I am responsible for me.
- I'm in charge of my own destiny.
When we hold this attitude, things become clearer, and it's easier to adjust our next move. People can suggest, inform, and even try to push you into choices, but only you can actually make them. Take some responsibility, stand up, and do what your heart and gut are telling you — and don't shift the blame when it goes wrong.
Stand firm against negativity
This isn't about confrontation. It's about the one thing you have that a negative person doesn't: a strong, clear outlook and a plan. Nothing unsettles a negative person more than someone who has a plan, a solution, and is ready to move forward. They're far less likely to push negativity your way if they see how confident and self-assured you are. Push through without a second thought for how they perceive you. Life isn't a dress rehearsal. It's the real thing, one time only, so don't let negativity affect you. Embrace the moment and live it as if every day mattered, because it does.
Stop expecting life to be easy
The truth is, life gets tough sometimes, for everyone. It can even be painful. But you're more resourceful than you think, and you can take it. Adopt the attitude that you have what it takes to deal with whatever comes up, and have realistic expectations of yourself and other people. Set the bar high, but understand that not everyone can meet it — there will always be people around to remind you about disappointment and failure, so refer back to the point above when that happens.
Our attitude towards life determines life's attitude towards us, and that's genuinely true. Not every twist and turn is a setback — some of the most important lessons come from the negative moments, if you're willing to learn from them and move on. We really do become what we think, and if we take life on its own terms and grow from it, life can be quite an experience.
Mullins Therapy is based in Ayrshire, Scotland.
