The aim of the article
In this feature, we want to:
- Show you how to spot possible signs of hidden anxiety.
- Explain five tell-tale signs someone may be trying to hide anxiety.
- Help you understand that feeling anxious is common and nothing to be ashamed of.
- Give you a better overall understanding of what people with anxiety can feel each and every day.
Contrary to popular belief, you never see everything that’s going on inside someone. A smile, a joke or a distraction can hide a multitude of struggles. So how do we know for sure if someone is struggling with anxiety? The true answer is that you can’t know for certain from appearances alone. If you pay close attention, you may notice signs that someone is struggling, but these behaviours can have other causes too.
You see, the body and mind are interlinked, and while words say one thing, behaviours, actions and body language can suggest another. Here, we share a few signs someone with anxiety might exhibit. Use them as a reason to check in kindly, rather than assume you know how someone feels.
They want to control their environment
While some people tend to go with the flow and look at life with an “it is what it is” attitude, people hiding anxiety may find it harder to accept that they can’t control other people’s thoughts, beliefs, patterns and actions. With worry and fear heightened, they may feel safest inside their own four walls, so don’t be surprised if you find them wanting more control in that environment.
When they control the environment and how things are done, it can offer a safe place to get momentary relief from what can feel like a never-ending, crippling emotion.
Fidgeting and agitation
The body and our emotional balance go hand in hand. When someone starts to feel really agitated, they might display certain body movements as a way of distracting themselves or showing emotional distress. These can happen automatically and may be difficult to control. With so many small movements, it would be impossible to list them all, but here are a few: eyes looking around rapidly, repeated blinking, biting lips, rapid breathing, restlessness in the hands, arms and legs, rapid foot tapping, or squeezing the hands together.
The lack of focus and the distance they show may not be because they are rude or not listening. At that moment, they may simply be finding it difficult to concentrate.
Risk-averse
Someone with anxiety may try hard to stay safe. They may have learned what triggers their anxiety and what doesn’t, becoming as familiar with it as if it were their only friend in the world. They may try to avoid any person, place or situation that would trigger or increase anxiety in any way, shape or form. Comfort can feel like the best form of defence.
People with anxiety may avoid anything they think could increase it. Think about it like this: if I asked you to do something, knowing full well it was going to hurt you, and you had the option of saying no, what would you say? That relief can be short-lived, though, and avoidance can keep anxiety going.
Mind 10 steps ahead
Many people with anxiety catastrophise what’s in front of them and live very much in a “what if” world. Imagine trying to work out the answer to every problem you will have in life before you even have it. With that intensity in mind, they may try to stay ahead of the game in the “what if” world.
Granted, they may be proved wrong time after time, but that doesn’t stop them looking for another “what if” situation. If they can plan around it, keep the anxiety at bay and stop it from happening, they may feel safe and in control of the emotion.
People with anxiety can often describe things they imagine going wrong before the event or situation has even occurred. It’s safe to say that living with crippling anxiety can feel almost like a full-time job.
People-pleasing and the fear of driving people away
A very short-term gain can create long-term problems. Anxiety can cause us to worry intensely about what everyone thinks or even says about us. For that reason, we may try to please people even if it causes us distress and discomfort.
Anxiety has a way of making you want to avoid confrontation at all costs. Because we fear the repercussions of confrontation, we may agree to almost anything if it means we don’t have to say no and feel even worse for it.
Of course, being nice is an amazing quality, but if you are overly nice and don’t consider your own emotional needs, it can lead to suppressed emotions, increased feelings of anxiety, worry, stress, strain and fear. Add all of those emotions together, and you can see how damaging people-pleasing can be.
Remember, it really is OK to say no. If you worry about that, you could try: “No, but why don’t I/we do X, Y or Z instead?” You can say no and offer a solution or an alternative to the thing that would cause you distress. You don’t have to offer an alternative if you don’t want to.
