What this article covers
- Seven key things you can do to help someone with anxiety
- Why acting matters more than just saying you want to help
- A simple exercise that can help shift someone's emotional state in a couple of minutes
We live in an anxious world, it would seem — nearly 80% of people will experience anxiety at some stage in their life. So many times we try to help and fall short, sometimes even increasing someone's anxiety without meaning to. Even if you don't struggle with anxiety yourself, and don't fully understand it, the smallest gestures can genuinely help. So if you're one of the lucky few, or you're in a position to help, here are seven ways to do it well.
Communicate
Communication is the key to every relationship, but people who suffer from anxiety may withdraw and struggle to open up for fear of judgement or criticism. If you see them struggling, ask, and ask again if you need to, in a reassuring tone. Start the conversation by telling them how much they mean to you, and let them join in at their own pace.
Never judge
One of the biggest fears anyone with anxiety has is what others think of them, and the judgement that comes with it. Everyone functions differently and at a different pace — just because someone doesn't think, behave or cope the way you do doesn't mean it's wrong. Save the judgement, and stay open to the many different ways anxiety can show up and how people deal with it.
Encourage them
Anxiety often leads to procrastination and difficulty getting things done, so this is your chance to guide and encourage rather than push. Find out what they're good at, start there, and offer encouragement and gratitude along the way. Encouragement changes how someone feels about what they're attempting.
Don't talk rubbish
"Just relax", "calm down", "it'll be fine tomorrow", "have a drink, you'll feel better" — these all come from good intentions, but someone with anxiety has likely heard them a thousand times before. No one in the history of being told to calm down has ever calmed down. Statements like these can push the person further away and damage the trust they have in you.
Be the calm in the storm
Panic attacks are brutal for the person experiencing them — their mind racing, their breathing out of sync, their speech rapid. Sit with them, look them in the eye, and let them know you're right there. Try box breathing together: in for four, hold for four, out for four, pause for four. Lead them into it and let them follow at their own pace until they regain control.
Help them change their emotional state
When someone is feeling anxious, try this short exercise with them:
- Close your eyes.
- Picture yourself in a year's time, free of anxiety.
- Notice everything in life feeling more in alignment.
- Turn up the colours and sounds around you in that picture.
- Focus on how it feels to not be carrying that anxiety.
Spend two or three minutes simply watching that picture in your mind. You should see a smile come up — that's one way of shifting an emotional state.
Create a support system for them to use
Being around and offering your support is one of the best ways to help someone with anxiety. Anxiety can make someone feel very alone, and being there is how you show them that isn't true. Imagine it were you in that position — the best way to offer support is to be the person you'd want if the roles were reversed. Show them, in every way you can, that they're not facing this alone.
