We go to the doctor if we don't feel well, we check the car if it doesn't run right, and we guide our kids if they act out — so why do so few of us check our relationship when it isn't going right? A regular relationship health check means asking a few honest questions and looking at the thoughts and feelings the answers bring up.
Trust
Is it still there? Has it been broken, and how? Trust is like glass — once broken, it can be repaired, but the cracks remain. If infidelity has occurred, it can be genuinely difficult to fully trust someone again, no matter how much you want to. Are you on edge every time they get a text? Do they keep their phone password-protected and face down? Do you wonder where they are on a night out, or check their social media to see who's commenting? If so, it's worth asking yourself honestly whether you're happy living like this.
Does it leave you emotionally drained?
Do you feel tired after being in their company too long? Do you dread long, drawn-out conversations, or feel low after talking with them? This is a key indicator of where a relationship is heading — and it's worth asking whether you're happy to accept that, or whether it's time for a change.
Has complacency set in?
This can often be worked through with clear, open communication. But after having the same conversation repeatedly, it's fair to ask whether real change is actually happening, or whether things just revert back after a while. What matters most is the first conversation about it — do they listen, and show they understand and want to solve the issue? No one should feel undervalued or taken for granted in a relationship, and if they love you, they'll show it rather than just say it.
Have your core values changed to suit them?
We all have a moral compass — the things we will and won't accept. Have you changed yours to suit a partner who doesn't share the same outlook? Have you lost family or friends over it? A partner should encourage you to grow and pursue your own goals, not ask you to shrink yourself to please them. Relationships involve compromise, but that shouldn't mean losing sight of who you fundamentally are.
Do their actions match their words?
"I love you" is easy to say, and one of the hardest things to show consistently. A bunch of flowers on your birthday or Valentine's Day doesn't count on its own, and grand gestures can be hollow too. Look instead at how they treat you day to day, how they react when hard times come along, and whether they consistently show, not just tell you, that you matter to them.
Physical intimacy
Is it still there? Do you still desire your partner? Life gets busy with work, children, stress and worry, but the desire and love for each other should still be present underneath it all. If you find yourself making excuses to avoid being physical with your partner, or wishing the moment were over before it begins, it's worth taking an honest look at the relationship. Physical connection isn't everything, but it does matter.
If, having gone through these honestly, you find yourself agreeing with most of these points, you likely already know what the answer is. You deserve a relationship you don't have to talk yourself into accepting.
