What this article covers
The most common signs that a relationship will end in heartbreak — so you can spot them early and protect yourself.
We all go into new relationships with excitement and high hopes that this one might be the last one. It doesn't always work out that way. We ignore early warning signs, pretend not to notice the wrongs, and run head first into heartbreak. But what if we listened to that gut feeling instead? Here are four signs that should make you sit up, take notice, and do the right thing.
Words don't match actions
Words are easy to say. Actions less so. If someone seems keen and shows interest but keeps cancelling dates or moving the goalposts, pay attention to the gap between what they say and what they do. Early on, when someone genuinely wants a relationship with you, staying in touch should feel effortless, and the excitement of those first few months should be matched by consistent action. Anything different is a red flag and shouldn't be ignored — trade in the currency of actions, not words.
They can go cold in a heartbeat
Coldness is a tool that hurtful people use to inflict pain on others — remember, hurt people tend to hurt people, but love doesn't work that way. If someone shows how cold they can be early on, whenever they disagree with you or don't get their way, that's a strong sign of how they'll respond when things get genuinely difficult later. They're showing you who they are. Pay attention.
Every past partner was "crazy"
It's easy to project blame onto others rather than look at our own part in things. If someone describes every ex as crazy or a stalker, take the last few relationships and ask what the one common factor was across all of them. Often, the answer is the person telling the story. They'll only tell you what they want you to hear — but were those exes really "crazy" before they were lied to, cheated on, ghosted, or made to feel like an option, second-guessed, or told everything was their fault (a form of gaslighting)?
Alcohol changes them
Be wary of how someone behaves under alcohol. It doesn't tend to change who a person is — it tends to reveal who they already are. If they turn rude, obnoxious, cold or angry when drunk, that's part of who they are. The same goes for drugs. Check whether that's acceptable to you, and if it isn't, ask yourself why they're in your life at all. The way someone behaves early on is a key indicator of who they are — don't ignore it.
More recently, I've increasingly seen the practice helping couples and individuals because of cocaine specifically. It's not harmless, it's not normal, and it's not "just having fun" — and if it becomes a regular part of your partner's life, you will always come second to it, along with the comedowns and tension that come with it. Setting your standards and morality early, and knowing your own worth, helps you avoid this kind of relationship.
Life is short, life is precious, and life is for living. If you see any of these signs, do yourself a favour and walk away. You deserve better.
